Foundations of Long-Term Recovery
Foundations of Long-Term Recovery Five Activities to Enhance Your Sobriety
When I was in early recovery, I would spend time around people who had put together years of time, 10, 20, 30 years of sobriety, and I would wonder how they did it. It seemed like staying sober for 10 minutes was impossible. How the heck do people get 10 years? As I stuck around, I noticed that people with long-term recovery seemed to do the same five things.
Attend Support Groups
Involvement in a support group is critical, whether that group is a 12-step program, a meditation group, a religious-based activity, or a sober workout group – everyone I know who has been sober long term has a powerful support group. No one gets sober alone. We all need people in our lives. When we’re sober, we need support from other sober people. The simplest way to do this is attend one of the many “anonymous” programs out there. You’ll find people who have walked the path you’re on, and they can share their experience and strategies with you. Support groups are also important because they help you create a network of sober individuals. People in recovery are some of the kindest, most generous people I know. We help each other out. Looking for a job? Ask your sober friends, they might know of something available. Looking for a place to live? Ask your sober friends. Someone might have a room for rent. Bored and want to hang out? Call one of your sober friends, they’ll probably get a coffee with you.
Regular Contact with a Mentor
In 12-step programs, they’re called sponsors. They are coaches or individuals who will guide you as you travel the path to recovery. In 12-step programs the sponsor is usually someone who has some sober time, has worked the 12-steps and will commit to working with you. The job of the sponsor is to take you through 12-steps and to act as a guide and resource for you as you get sober. If you’re not involved in 12-step programs, this person could be a pastor or someone you trust from your church or spiritual organization. They could be a recovery coach or a trainer. Whoever it is, you need it. We need someone that we are accountable to, someone who knows us and that we feel comfortable reaching out to, regardless of what’s going on. We need someone to check our decision-making with. Remember, we’ve been using drugs and alcohol to numb out for a long time. We don’t have the best coping skills. We are impulsive and act on emotion. Having a mentor gives us someone to call and check-in with before we do anything stupid.
When I sponsor someone, I ask them to call me every day in the beginning. I want to get my sponsee in the habit of picking up the phone and calling, whether or not they need help. I just ask them to leave a message if I don’t pick up, just saying “hey, I’m checking in.” The habit of connecting with someone every day moves us out of the isolation that we seem to be so comfortable in and helps us to learn to build relationships with other people. When I’ve wanted to drink in the past, having phone numbers in my phone, and being in the habit of calling people, has made all the difference.
Engage in a Spiritual Practice
Here is where people balk. There are people who really struggle with prayer and the whole “God thing.” Recovery does not require you to believe in God or to have any specific spiritual practice. If I attend a support group meeting and it has too much of a “Christian feel” or people insist that I believe a certain way, I don’t go back. I go elsewhere. There are plenty of other groups and programs that will support my recovery, and I don’t need to be somewhere that I’m uncomfortable. I don’t believe in any Christian God. I do believe that there is a universal energy or life force. That is what I try to connect with daily, through meditation, music, reading and quiet time. I connect spiritually when I’m hiking in the woods, or fishing, or playing with my animals. The common practice among people with long-term sobriety is that they take the time to look inward daily. They look at their day, they assess how they’re doing, they make corrections when they are off track, and they ask for help when needed.
Work a Program
Every support group has a program, or thing that you’re supposed to do outside of the times you’re meeting. Often these activities enhance your coping skills or help you learn to manage life better. If you have a group that you workout with, you will have an exercise program. If you are part of a meditation group, you are asked to meditate daily and perhaps do writing or reading exercises. In 12-step programs, you work the steps. The 12-steps help you build a foundation for long-term sobriety. They are divided into three sections: the first three steps are designed to help you understand addiction and the damage it’s caused in your life, and to help you understand that you need help. Steps four through nine are action steps where you work at cleaning up the messes you’ve made in your life because of your addiction. Steps ten through twelve are maintenance steps designed to ensure that you are working on your recovery daily. Each part of the program builds on the step before it. People in long-term recovery have an ethos or set of values they operate from. For many, it’s the principles of the 12-steps that sustain them.
Help Others
Get out of self and help others. Addiction is a very selfish activity. We drink or use drugs to the exclusion of other activities in life, and we often cut out the people who love and care about us. We isolate in our shame and despair. People in long-term recovery help others. We volunteer, we get involved in our communities. We help our newcomers; we set up meeting rooms; we answer the hotline; we sponsor and mentor people; we get involved with life. Service gets us out of self. It’s hard to be in self-pity when we’re thinking about others.
Long-term recovery is obtainable if we can be honest with ourselves and others. Taking part in activities that enhance our sobriety helps build a solid recovery foundation. When I’m struggling, these are the five things I assess immediately. Usually I’m falling short in one of these areas, and a willingness to make a correction will always make me feel better.